Saturday, April 8, 2023

The Winds of Winter on Goodreads

Here is a conundrum for you: The Winds of Winter, book 6 of George R.R. Martin's bloody A Song of Ice and Fire, is not out yet; yet on Goodreads has a 4.4 Star ranking complete with over 10,000 ratings and 500+ reviews. How exactly? Well, the earliest reviews (written around 2015) are just what one would expect, devoted fans talking about how much they loved A Dance with Dragons and absolutely NEED Book Six, or telling people to bug off bothering GRRM and just let him write because surely The Winds of Winter will be out in a couple years.

Fast forward to 2022 and 2023:

"Someone please read this to my headstone, as I fear I will be dead many a year from old age before whoever finishes this book, is finally done. Whether it be Martin, or whoever the state has finish and rake in the cash for it, I would have it read to my corpse."

"I've been waiting for this book for so long the whole experience feels like an elaborate joke."

"Oh, my sweet summer child. Do you remember what it was like to have such hope? Such confidence? 2015. It was going to be your year. But as summer of 2022 fades and the leaves begin to fall, it is clear that no one will be reading this book even now, some 7 years later, in 2022. What could have been?"

"It took a nearly fatal run-in with a van for Stephen King to finally guide "The Dark Tower" series to its decades-awaited conclusion. What kind of violent sign from the universe will it take to nudge George R. R. Martin toward the "Song of Ice and Fire" finish line?"

"Five Stars for when Brandon Sanderson finishes it."

"The year is 2199, George R.R Martin has preserved his brain in a freezer and uploaded his consciousness in order to avoid death and continue procrastinating writing this book. My great great grandchild raises me from the grave so I can read this book, and my ghost thoroughly enjoys it."

And then there are the meme ones:

My reaction is epitomized in this review:

"HAHAHHA When I saw that this book not only had ratings but also had tons of reviews I honestly thought "Did I somehow miss an announcement that this book had been published?" Fast forward up until about 5 minutes ago and words can not do justice for just how hilarious and amazing the Lions Share of these reviews are. LOL Some are so impressive and entertaining that I actually created an account for the sole purpose of leaving this "Review/Response". Kudos to all of you who have left some of the most amazing snarky one liners and outlandish scenarios I have ever read online in a review. Thanks for the laughs for sure."
Point of order, I only posted the funny ones here. Others of a similar vein just say point blank that they have lost faith in GRRM – which is fine with me but, again, not funny, a point I emphasize because Dad and I were literally howling with laughter looking at these.

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